Wednesday, August 12, 2009

The Relationship Forum :: Marriage - I want 50 years plus..

I've been to and in over 12 weddings in the last year and a half and I'm very happy for all my friends. I pray them great favor over their lives and marriages. First let me state that I think marriage is a wonderful thing. I have the rare privilege to state that I've had the best example of a successful marriage I could ever imagine, my parents. They've been married 30 years and although everything hasn't been perfect they have have been a perfect example of a God-centered relationship between a husband and wife.

I guess that's why I have taken my time and will continue to do so. I want God to lead and direct me in all my decisions including this one. I understand that a wife, for me, will be the key component in me achieving a large part of God's purpose over my life so I definitely don't want to rush it. i walk by faith God has always been very specific in the moves he's wanted me to make. So I'm certain that this too will happen in His time and at His discretion.

Most people have assumed that because of my past relationships I would have been married by now and when women meet me they usually wonder why I'm not already married (like 28 is old or something, lol) but I operate in faith and when you do that you truly try not to make any decision without God's guidance especially life altering ones. I think people have taken God out of this decision. Many have put temporal constraints on marriage like it's a rent-to-own lease. You know, "we've dated for 2 or 3 years so now it's time" but it doesn't work like that if you operate faithfully. I don't think it takes forever but there are outside circumstances that make the relationship development progression different from couple to couple. If you are in a relationship don't let any outside source convince you that you should progress to marriage without prayer and a Word from the Lord.

Obviously there is a component missing in marriage and that decision to get married. That's why so many end in divorce. I truly believe we allow the emotion of love and sometimes even infatuation interfere with the spiritual guidance of the holy spirit. That must change. We have to rely on God to move us in this important covenant with another person.

Personally, almost all of my close friends parents have been married for 30-45 years and they have been great examples of making it work through trials, triumph, and tribulation.. I want that.. and until God shows me I'm good where I am..

14 comments:

Andrea Horton said...

Very well stated. My 6th anniversay is August 30th. My parents have been married over 33 years and my husband's parents over 38 years. We are fortunate to have two great examples of God-centered relationships in our lives.What delights me most is to see that after all that time,they are still each other's best friends. One thing that people must keep in mind is that just because God is the foundation doesn't mean that your marriage won't be challenged.If anything, the devil attacks it much harder. What we see with our parents is how to battle in the spirit to overcome that. I agree that the decision to marry has to be made with careful consideration and prayer. You keep doing you Jeff, but keep your ears and heart open for God's voice on this one. Good job!

Jeff Beckham Jr. said...

Thanks for sharing Ms. Horton you're very right.. the Devil's attacks against true believers is much more intense cause it has to be but in God is strength and that overcoming spirit you spoke of!.. Thank you!

JNC said...

I definitely agree...i've gotten the calls from gma/ma asking why am i not married, when are the kids coming, and am i dating anyone special...and every time i shake my head. they think it's a generational thing and in some aspects i agree. i do believe that 'back in the day' folk got married and stayed married...for worse or worser (yes i know that's not a word, but you get the point lol). I don't think that our generation had the patience to withstand that 'worser' part. We live in a society with instant gratification and what folks don't realize is that just like everything else, marriage if it's based on the right things -especially FAITH IN GOD, takes work.

In recent months, I've had no interest in dating and my family and some friends/associates just don't understand. I think I've gotten to the point where I am just waiting to be found. The bible says that whoso that findeth a wife, findeth a good thing and obtaineth favour in the Lord. So why should I be concerned with dating or meeting a mate...why can't I just enjoy what God has given me now....because I do trust that, like you say, in HIS time he will send someone my way that will re-peek my interest in dating. Until then...I'm chillaxin (as my nephew says).

I think you are right to take your time. Don't rush...listen and follow God's plan. You are a good man and will be rewarded accordingly. You've only lived 28 years, baby you have time! Take your time and enjoy you...bc lawd knows that when you get married...you won't have the luxury of just worrying about J Beckham...it will be J Beckham +1, 2 or more...lol

Andrea Horton said...

J.Nicole - So true about our generation not being able to stick it out when everything ain't rosy. We are conditioned to have too many choice, and we are overstimulated all the time! When we get bored with one t.v. show, we've got 200 other channels to choose from, etc. We have no idea of how to stick through things, through peaks and valleys.
Also, about being found - it's so cliche to say that it comes when you aren't actively looking, but so true! Wasn't looking for a husband, nor was I expecting my little crush on my husband to develop into what it has. I let him find me...good point!

Michele said...

Jeff, I wholeheartedly agree. I've been fortunate enough to be surrounded by quite a few successful marriages in my life. Although my parents are divorced, they each eventually found the partners God intended for them and have both been married to their current spouses for 20+ years. I thinki my parents also serve as a perfect example of rushing into marriage for the wrong reasons. Neither of them were mature enough to handle the pressures of marriage and to persevere through anything. They've each found that now. I am, and will remain, unmarried, until God wants me to change that. I often shock guys because of my apparent "lack of desire" to be married. I have to tell them, that it's not that I don't want to be married. I just don't want to get divorced. Thus, I will wait patiently until God sends me the man that I am supposed to spend the rest of my life with.

We've both certainly matured since the days when we first met, huh? College seems a long time from now. Keep striving, sir. I enjoyed the read.

Teej said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Teej said...

Man this is the truth undiluted. You aint told not one narary lie! Good stuff Jeff!

DJ Vince Adams said...

Thanks for taking the time to share your thoughts on the subject Jeff. Although I don't think I rushed into my marriage at all, I do value the quality of patience even more that I have been involved in a divorce. You're absolutely right that there are lots of people out there with an itch trigger-finger related to getting married. Its a huge decision and shouldn't be taken lightly. Definitely happy that you're taking your time. I'm your biggest fan and I'm sure you're destined for something and someone great. Keep up the great work Bruh!!!

Robert Weaver said...

Let me chime in here as a recent addition to the marriage ranks (one of those marriages my good bro Jeff was in). One thing that perhaps hasn't been mentioned in the blog and/or comments is the necessity for self development and awareness. That is, true self development and awareness. Both of these require a sincere introspective review and has little to do with your development professionally, educationally, physically, etc. (even though all those things are holistically important).
I remember hearing in a sermon once how God is like a football coach, who says "look, I want you to run ten yards up the field and then turn right and run five more yards. There, you'll find your mate." So now that we've got the play, and are so excited about the end result we run five yards up the field, say I'm ready turn right and do another five and wonder why our mate isn't there. Or we're hesitant about the play and that the 10 yard run seems perhaps too short and instead run 20 yards down field and stop and all the while we've passed our mate by.
The play must be adhered to in order to get the gratification that is your mate(marriage).
That's where self development and awareness comes into play. We need to go through the individual SELF DEVELOPMENT that is required to prepare us for the big catch. We can't shorten that 10 yard run out because those ten yards may be full of education, learning, trial, tribulation and experience that is necessary to prepare us for the life of love ahead of us. Sometimes this requires that we be alone (I did this for 6-8 months it’s tough). As for self awareness, we must be cognizant that being aware of what we truly bring to the table is a must. That is both the good and perhaps more importantly the bad (when we accept the yin and the yang or our personalities and don’t permit the bad things about us to inhibit us, we’re much better off). The things we hold on to, which we don't want to learn from or let go of make us run those 20 yards down field and past our mate. So if there are things we aren't willing to work on because we aren't AWARE that they are impacting our self development, relationships, ability to handle relationships, etc. we are extending the time that is necessary to prepare us; in a sense, overcooking the pasta. And no one likes overcooked pasta.
My union came as a result of us both enduring what was necessary to be prepared and making the conscious decision to adhere to the play that we felt in our hearts from the day we first met. We could have easily ignored the calling but elected to follow up on it not just for then, but now and forever.
But we are well aware that no matter how good the play may be, sometimes the ball gets dropped. But practice is what makes perfect and gives some teams (your marriage should be a team effort) an advantage over others when trial comes about. We practice each and every day (sometimes when we don’t want to) to be better teammates in this relationship that we call marriage. So that when the tough times come, our chances of turning trial into triumph are as best as can be.

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