The Relationship Forum - Are We Doing this Right?

So I was thinking this morning about the state of relationships in this country and moreover in the Christian community. I thought in context of dating relationships and marriage and began to ask myself have we really screwed things up.

It's a known fact that over %44 percent of American marriages end in divorce (2005 National Center for health Statistics) with the rate being about %43 percent in Illinois. That tells us that somewhere along the line the decision making process people select to operate under is broken with regard to marriage.

Where does the process fail?

Dating is not a biblical principle. At least not how we go about it. It is something that is man made and created to accommodate how we live and operate in present day society. In the time of Jesus and the early church people were betrothed via arranged marriages. Shortly after a process of Christian courtship developed where men and women courted for the purpose of getting married. Now I'm not saying that everything that isn't in the bible is wrong. The blackberry isn't in the bible either but I'd never want to give that up. I just think the parameters we've placed around dating really screws things up..

Those Parameters:

Dating for money
Dating for status
Dating on looks
Dating for convenience
Not thinking about yokes...
Dating out of desperation or loneliness.

what are your thought?

The Miracles We Don’t Appreciate

I was driving downtown looking at the Chicago skyline last night and I realized how majestic view outside my window truly was. When you think about what God has inspired men to do in this world you come to the realization, that in essence, these feats are God’s miracles in modern form. No, this isn’t the water and wine kind of miracle that Old Testament and Pre-crucifixion men needed to see in order to believe in the Messiah, yet they are miracles in their own right. They are the kind of miracles that God inspires through us to remind us that he is still here.

In the wake of recent tragedies such as severe hurricanes, flooding, fires, and earthquakes I wonder if God is trying to symbolically wake us up to realize we still need him. If you look at his Word you will find what Jesus says in the matter. When John the Baptist was in prison Jesus spoke about the judgment cities would face for not recognizing the miracles he performed.

Matthew 11:20-24 (The Message Bible)

20 Next Jesus let fly on the cities where he had worked the hardest but whose people had responded the least, shrugging their shoulders and going their own way.

21-24"Doom to you, Chorazin! Doom, Bethsaida! If Tyre and Sidon had seen half of the powerful miracles you have seen, they would have been on their knees in a minute. At Judgment Day they'll get off easy compared to you. And Capernaum! With all your peacock strutting, you are going to end up in the abyss. If the people of Sodom had had your chances, the city would still be around. At Judgment Day they'll get off easy compared to you."

It’s interesting to me that the cities Jesus accomplished the most in were the very ones who appreciated him the least. Think of America if you will. New York, Chicago, and Washington DC are all cities where in just taking into account the architecture you would have to realize that God truly inspires men to do great things. Miracles are still being performed daily. Take into account the great advances in science, medicine, and technology and how could you not be astounded by the brilliance of God. How often do we see it like that? What would a child in new Tafo, Ghana say if he woke up tomorrow and had a fully furnished house like yours erected in his village. Would he drop to his knees in a minute? What would an old woman working in fields of India say if she walked out her home to see a building as nice as the one you probably work in right in front of her. Do you look at the Washington Monument and say, “God you are truly awesome” or do you allow life’s routines paralyze you to the God-inspired beauty he’s created in this world. If so, what judgment does that hold for us on earth in His kingdom in Heaven?

God created so much beauty in this world. Some through us and some on his own yet we don’t appreciate his work. I’m trying to take more time to recognize his miracles daily and suggest you do as well.

He Doesn't Need Defense... Just a Platform

I was in church yesterday and the sermon was really good. The minister spoke of exercising a violent passion in your faith. He also talked about truth. He said, "truth doesn't need a defense only a platform."

What is truth? Websters defines truth as : truth (noun) : the simple, unvarnished, unembellished, non-dyslogistic non-eulogistic (truly neutral) statement of a fact. It an undeniable, unalienable, assertion.

When you think about it in the context of religion then in it's very essence (if you are a believer) God's Word is truth. His Word doesn't need a defense only a platform to be heard. His Word is truth.

Just a thought.

Having a Marriage Vs. Getting Married

In my job I have the privilege of running across numerous people throughout the day and today I had the opportunity to speak with a doctor in the south suburbs who presented me with a very interesting thought. She said far too often people get married because they want to get marriage but they don't want the impending marriage that comes with it.

I've been in a lot of weddings this year and thankfully I can say the couples I've witnessed get married truly seem to value the concept of marriage much more than the ceremony.

What do you think?

I think this is a very true statement. I think people get married for the wrong reasons these days. They do it because they've been together a long time or they're at the age where they should be married. I think that they look past the work required to have a long term successful marriage. It takes a lot of work as I've witnessed my parents do it successfully for 29 years. It's an interesting thought though...

Some of Palin's Political Positions.. BE INFORMED NOT FOOLED

Palin recently said that the war in Iraq is "God's task." She's even admitted she hasn't thought about the war much—just last year she was quoted saying, "I've been so focused on state government, I haven't really focused much on the war in Iraq." 1,2

Palin has actively sought the support of the fringe Alaska Independence Party. Six months ago, Palin told members of the group—who advocate for a vote on secession from the union—to "keep up the good work" and "wished the party luck on what she called its 'inspiring convention.'" 3

Palin wants to teach creationism in public schools. She hasn't made clear whether she thinks evolution is a fact.4

Palin doesn't believe that humans contribute to global warming. Speaking about climate change, she said, "I'm not one though who would attribute it to being manmade." 5

Palin has close ties to Big Oil. Her inauguration was even sponsored by BP. 6
Palin is extremely anti-choice. She doesn't even support abortion in the case of rape or incest. 7

Palin opposes comprehensive sex-ed in public schools. She's said she will only support abstinence-only approaches. 8

As mayor, Palin tried to ban books from the library. Palin asked the library how she might go about banning books because some had inappropriate language in them—shocking the librarian, Mary Ellen Baker. According to Time, "news reports from the time show that Palin had threatened to fire Baker for not giving "full support" to the mayor." 9

She DID support the Bridge to Nowhere (before she opposed it). Palin claimed that she said "thanks, but no thanks" to the infamous Bridge to Nowhere. But in 2006, Palin supported the project repeatedly, saying that Alaska should take advantage of earmarks "while our congressional delegation is in a strong position to assist." 10

Cognitive Dissonance.. A Look At Persuasiveness

Cognitive Dissonance

Virtually all of the conservative commentariat, and a greater-than-would-care-to-admit-it share of the liberal commentariat think that Sarah Palin hit a home run tonight. I guess I'm just going to have to stick my neck out (along with Josh Marshall) and disagree.

You can tar-and-feather me with this later if I'm wrong. I will make this disclaimer: I'm not necessarily offering a prediction about how the polls are going to move over the next several days. Almost all conventions produce bounces, and this one probably will too (though whether it comes from Palin's speech rather than McCain's, or Fred Thompson's or Rudy Giuliani's, we probably won't be able to tell). But I don't think the speech will be effective beyond the very near term (the next 3-7 days) at moving votes in McCain's direction, if it moves them at all. And here's why:

I think some of you are underestimating the percentage of voters for whom Sarah Palin lacks the standing to make this critique of Barack Obama. To many voters, she is either entirely unknown, or is known as an US Weekly caricature of a woman who eats mooseburgers and has a pregnant daughter. To change someone's opinion, you have to do one of two things. Either, you have to be a trusted voice of authority, or you have to persuade them. Palin is not a trusted voice of authority -- she's much too new. But neither was this a persuasive speech. It was staccato, insistent, a little corny. It preached to the proverbial choir. It was also, as one of my commentors astutely noted, a speech written by a man and for a man, but delivered by a woman, which produces a certain amount of cognitive dissonance.

In exceedingly plain English, I think there's a pretty big who the fuck does she think she is? factor. And not just among us Daily Kos reading, merlot-drinking liberals. I think Palin's speech will be instinctively unappealing to other whole demographics of voters, including particuarly working-class men (among whom there may be a misogyny factor) and professional post-menopausal women. As another of my commentors put it:

Not only does Palin's inexperience trump Obama's... her "otherness" also trumps his. Where she comes from, the way she talks, her bio, lifestyle, and all the moose and caribou stuff... it makes her seem more exotic than Obama, who after all lives in the middle of America and has a life that people can readily understand.

Palin may be just as American as anybody, but she still seems to come from Somewhere Else.

This would be fine... even interesting and appealing... if she weren't attacking. But we have a deep, instinctive aversion to people who are part of us (even if we don't really like them much) being attacked by people we perceive as outsiders. Our instinct is to stiffen up, to protect.

This point may be a little bit overstated, but the fact remains that Barack Obama is extremely well known and Palin is largely unknown, and when that is the case, your perception of the known commodity is more likely to influence your perception of the unknown commodity than the other way around. If there's a certain Italian restaurant that you've been going to for years, and some stranger stops you on the street and tells you that they don't know how to cook their pasta, you're going to think that the stranger is a kook -- not that the restaurant is poor.

And not only is Barack Obama exceptionally well known, but perceptions of him are exceptionally well entrenched. In today's Rasmussen numbers, 63 percent of voters had either a very favorable or a very unfavorable perception of Obama. This is an extremely high figure. I looked up the Rasmussen numbers for other prominent politicians, and this number was the highest I could find ... actually tied with Bill Clinton for the highest:

Percentage viewing as Very Favorable

OR Very Unfavorable



Obama 63

B. Clinton 63

Gore 61

H. Clinton 60

Bush 60

Cheney 59

Pelosi 51

T. Kennedy 48

Palin 45

Kerry 45

McCain 43

Romney 38

Biden 33This is why folks like Barack Obama and Bill Clinton (and Hillary Clinton, for that matter) are Teflon politicians. It's not that they have some magical quality that keeps them out of trouble ... it's just that a very high percentage of voters have already made up their minds one way or the other about them, and can't possibly be persuaded otherwise. With John Kerry, the swiftboating worked because voters didn't have particuarly strong feelings about him. With Obama, the Republicans spent tens of millions of dollars in an effort to brand him negatively, and moved his favorables by ... a point or two at the margins.

Ultimately, it's not that I don't think there aren't people who will find Palin's performance effective -- I just don't think there's much overlap between those people and the universe of persuadable voters.



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Again I highly rec www.fivethirtyeight.com Hands down the most accurate polling and trend site for the election.

Obama and Palin.. Her Experience Can't Compare

1980 - 1984

Obama: B.A. in political science with a specialization in international relations from Columbia University.

Palin: Wasilla High School, captain of the state-champion basketball team. Miss Wasilla, runner-up in the Miss Alaska pageant, also Miss Congeniality, although that is now disputed.

Him: Ivy League degree. Her: tiara.

1985 - 1990

Obama: moved to Chicago; became a community organizer as director of the Developing Communities Project (DCP), a church-based community organization on Chicago's far South Side. During his three years as the DCP's director, its staff grew from 1 to 13 and its annual budget grew from $70,000 to $400,000, with accomplishments including helping set up a job training program, a college preparatory tutoring program, and a tenants' rights organization.

Moved to Boston to attend Harvard Law School. Selected as an editor and then elected president of the Harvard Law Review, a full-time volunteer position functioning as editor-in-chief and supervising the law review's staff of 80 editors.

Palin: Bachelor of Science degree in communications-journalism, with a minor in political science from the University of Idaho. Brief stint as a sports reporter for local Anchorage television stations; left to join her husband in commercial fishing.

Him: sterling legal education. Her: sportscaster.

1991 - 1995

Obama: graduated magna cum laude from Harvard Law School; received contract and advance to write a book ("Dreams from my Father") as well as a fellowship at the University of Chicago Law School. Directed the Illinois Project Vote from April to October 1992, a voter registration drive with a staff of 10 and 700 volunteers that achieved its goal of registering 150,000 of 400,000 unregistered African Americans in the state, leading Crain's Chicago Business to name Obama to its 1993 list of "40 under Forty" powers to be. Appointed as a Lecturer in constitutional law at the University of Chicago. Joined Davis, Miner, Barnhill & Galland, a 12-attorney law firm specializing in civil rights litigation and neighborhood economic development. Active in several community organizations, usually as a board member.

Palin: member of the Alasaka Indepence Party which advocates "Alaska First". Elected to Wasilla city council.

Him: Expert on our nation's fundamental legal principles. Her: plotted to leave the Union; thinks Pledge of Allegiance was written by our founding fathers.

1996 - 2000

Obama: promoted to Senior Lecturer in constitutional law at the University of Chicago Law School. Elected to the Illinois Senate. Sponsored more than 800 bills. In 2000, lost a Democratic primary run for the U.S. House of Representatives to four-term incumbent Bobby Rush by a margin of two to one.

Palin: elected as mayor of Wasilla (population 5,470), defeating the incumbent by a total of 616 votes to 413. Town budget, $8 million (3 millionths of the Federal budget), approximately 100 employees. Reduced property taxes but increased sales taxes. Fired the Wasilla police chief, citing a failure to support her administration. (He then sued Palin on the grounds that he was fired because he supported the campaign of Palin's opponent, but his suit was dismissed when the judge ruled that Palin had the right under state law to fire city employees, even for political reasons.) Hired a DC lobbyist to bring $8 million in earmarks to the city.

Him: sponsored 800 bills. Her: swayed 616 voters.

2001 - 2004

Obama: reelected in 2002 and became chairman of the Illinois Senate's Health and Human Services Committee.

Publicly spoke out against the invasion of Iraq BEFORE the congressional authorization in 2002, and then again before the actual invasion in 2003.

Wrote and delivered the keynote address at the 2004 Democratic National Convention.

November 2004: elected to the US Senate, receiving over 3.5 million votes, more than 70% of total.

Palin: elected president of the Alaska Conference of Mayors. Unsuccessful bid for lieutenant governor, coming in second in a five-way race in the Republican primary, receiving 19,000 votes. Appointed to the Alaska Oil and Gas Conservation Commission, served as chairman from 2003 to 2004 and also served as Ethics Supervisor. Resigned in protest over the "lack of ethics" of fellow Republican members. Exposed the state Republican Party's chairman, Randy Ruedrich, for doing party work on public time and working closely with a company he was supposed to be regulating. Director of Ted Stevens' 527 group.

Him: demonstrated the wisdom to oppose the Iraq folly before it even began. Her: hasn't really thought much about it - despite the fact that 17 Alaskans have died there

2005 to present

Obama: Sworn in as the fifth-ever African-American U.S. senator. Worked with Republican Senator Lugar to author and implement a program to locate and dismantle stray Russian WMD's. Designated by Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid as the party's point man on ethics. Worked with Russ Feingold to pass a major ethics/lobbying reform bill. Cosponsored, with John McCain, the Secure America and Orderly Immigration Act. Called for increased fuel efficiency standards (3 percent every year for 15 years). Assignments on the Senate Committees for Foreign Relations, Veterans' Affairs, and Homeland Security. Chairman of the Senate's subcommittee on European Affairs. As a member of the Senate Foreign Relations Committee, made official trips to Eastern Europe, the Middle East, Central Asia and Africa. Waged a tremendous battle to become the Democratic presidential nominee. Currently manages 2,500 campaign employees and a budget of $40-$50 million/month.

Palin: 2005: board member, Valley Hospital Association, which runs the Mat-Su Regional Medical Center in Wasilla.

Became youngest and first female Governor of Alaska, taking office in December, 2006. Auctioned off the Governor's jet on eBay. Took on fellow-Republican Senator Ted Stevens to come clean about the federal investigation into his financial dealings. Promoted oil and natural gas resource development in Alaska. Helped pass a tax increase on oil company profits. Formed a sub-cabinet group of advisers to address climate change but does not accept that it is man-made. Objected to listing polar bears as an endangered species because it might hurt oil and gas development in the bears' habitat. Was for the bridge to nowhere before she was against it. However, Alaska kept the federal money. Denied her daughter was pregnant before she confirmed it. Supported abstinence-only education.Currently under a bipartisan investigation for abuse of power for dismissing Alaska's Public Safety Commissioner. Commander-in-Chief of the Alaska National Guard, but has played no role in national defense activities, even when they involve the Alaska National Guard. (The entire operation is under federal control, and the governor is not briefed on situations.)

Obtained her first passport in 2007 to perform visits to the Alaska National Guard in Kuwait and Germany. (Foreign experience so limited that a stopover in Ireland listed on her resume.)

Him: Impressive figure on the national stage who knows how Congress works and is engaged with foreign policy issues. Her: small state governor for 21 months; "next to Russia", but that is just 1 of the 190 countries in the world she has never been to.

Conclusion: the word "executive" is not some kind of magic force multiplier when placed in front of the word "experience".